Chernobyl - 2019

This HBO miniseries has been on my watchlist for a long time. I don't know a lot about Chernobyl, and I'm always willing to learn more.

The series is broken up into 5 episodes. Each episode focuses on different problems, but there are subplots that carry through to the end of the series. Of course, the disaster as a whole is the main focus. What caused it? How are they going to contain it?

Dog lover warning - the fourth episode was so hard to watch. I understand they had to limit the spread of radioactive wildlife, but there was no way they were going to find every pet and kill it. I'm not a cat fan, but I know they are experts at hiding. But the extended story of the liquidators was heartbreaking. I closed my eyes at some points. I just can't watch stuff like that. 

On an accuracy scale, I understand this is a drama. The setting is also a place notorious for covering up the severity of things. If you think I'm exaggerating, understand it was said to be a minor accident for a while, or even better look up the official death count. The thing I love the most about watching shows based on true events is when I can look deeper into what actually happened.

To that end, I found the translated tapes of Valery Legasov, and I plan on reading through those. I also found an interview with one of the divers who opened the valves in the basement. I read through the interview, and it was super interesting. Alexei Ananenko was one of the three divers, and they actually survived their heroic actions!

Chernobyl happened in 1986. I was only 9 years old at the time, so I didn't know a lot of the details. The show really showed me a lot of the human toll that was thrown at the disaster. It's another topic I'm going to be diving into in the future. The show was really well done, and it really made me think. The facts at the end were staggering. Seriously, look up the official death count. It's ridiculous. Good Series!

Captain America II: Death Too Soon - 1979

After being disappointed watching the first installment of this movie duo, I didn't have super high hopes. I did hold out a bit of hope, however, since Christopher Lee was in this. That man had an interesting life, and he was an actor I always enjoy watching.

In this super weird superhero movie, Captain America has to try and stop Christopher Lee from aging everyone. Lee is hiding at a penitentiary as acting warden and has a professor locked away creating a serum that ages people. He sends an angry baby puma to the president to prove that his formula works. In a few hours, the cat has grown, but it's still angry. Anyway, Captain America does some...stuff and saves the day.

This was probably more ridiculous than the first one, but much more tolerable to watch. The bigger questions came out in this one for sure. Why did the professor have an exploding lock on his door and no one cared? Why did he have to make an aging serum to create an antiaging serum? Why did Captain America break onto the dock in the middle of the day and beat up all the dock workers? Were they all working for Miguel (Christopher Lee)? Why did Captain America purposely Peter Pan off the dam (The Fugitive reference for the young ones) and splat his motorcycle at the bottom? And how did he get the bike back? WHO came up with the idea to attach a glider to the motorcycle and film it for 5 minutes straight?! 

The end was straight up brutal and hilarious, and I have no words for it. The whole movie was strange, but I enjoyed it enough to watch it again for laughs. I'm still wondering where Steve got the cat and where it went. The whole "line up outside the vet without any pets" plan was totally not suspicious, and I found it hilarious they had minions outside town who just sat there all day and logged who traveled over the bridge. Jeep posse! I'm giving it a Fun Movie! review, but it's not good, and it's definitely not for everyone. One final question: Why didn't anyone question the ethics of testing the antidote on the twins? 

Contagion - 2011

I was browsing through my recorded movies to find something to watch this morning, and this was the one I picked. There are lots of big names and recognizable faces in this movie, and I hadn't seen it before.

It's really easy to sum up the plot of this movie. I'm calling it Covid: The Movie. Brief explanation if that isn't enough for you is a woman flies home from China. She's sick and dies. People around the world start to die, and it's important for the CDC and WHO to find out where it came from and how to stop it. The story is told from numerous viewpoints and from places all over the world.

The movie was a little heavy on the looting/crime aspect, but everything else seemed fairly accurate. Food supply woes, stocking up on water and hand sanitizer, and the movie even has the conspiracy guy who thinks he cured himself with a homeopathic remedy. The one guy commented his wife made him undress in the garage and sanitized everything, and that reminded me of when first responders and hospital workers would talk of when they'd go home after work during the pandemic.

They really crammed a lot into this movie. No scene was wasted since we were following so many characters on a global scale. I liked the camera work a lot. Especially at the beginning when they were keeping a shot on something a sick person touched. You knew what it meant, and it was ominous, and it's always been something that bothers me.

The other part I really liked was the end. I'm not going to spoil what it was, because it was just really clever. The taped version I had was 2 1/2 hours, but it flew (and I skipped commercials). I loved that they took the time to focus on some of the science involved in the identification of the virus and creation of a vaccine. I found that really interesting. The conspiracy nut was a little annoying, but I'd totally watch this again. Good Movie!

Captain America - 1979

I really love the old classics. What's been especially fun for me has been digging up old Marvel attempts and seeing how different they are from the CGI present. I watched the serial (1944) and had a lot of fun with it. 

This particular version was...something. It was not what I was expecting at all. Steve is coming back in 1979, so there's no Nazi fighting, and the man isn't really very patriotic either. He's more of a reluctant, whiny man-child. He's also a bit dense.

I'm guessing they were trying to meet their screen time limit for the pilot, because they showed looong scenes of driving. Sometimes Steve was in a van, sometimes he was on a motorcycle, and at the end he was puttering around in a helicopter.

Big shoutout to the helicopter pilot, though. He flew pretty low a couple times, and I was impressed. The end was the weirdest thing I've ever seen in a superhero movie. They track the villain (who is reading a book while sitting next to a neutron bomb) with a helicopter (again, for an extended period of time) and then Steve almost kills him with exhaust. I'm not sure why the villain decided to stand right next to the vent where the crap was coming in, but whatever. Watching Captain America sitting next to the prone form of the villain while his doctor friend was saving the man was so weird.

Overall, this thing was so strange. Steve had a soothing voice and no emotions. He also doesn't accept being Captain America until almost the end of the movie. My daughter fell asleep, and she's the one who usually is all in on the nonsense. I have no idea how they had another movie after this one, but it has Christopher Lee, so it can't be worse than this one. It just can't...

Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022) & Three Wiser Men and a Boy (2024)

I'm going to lump these into the same review since we watched them fairly close together. We played bingo with them, but we didn't have a lot of hope when we knew what they were about. That particular theory was correct.

In the first movie, you have three brothers who have to team up to take care of a baby. The poor little mite was left of at the firehouse with one of the brother's names on it, and they just decide to take care of it since the mother says she'll be back for him. The men learn about each other and become closer as a family.

In the second movie, it's five years later. The firefighter has married the mother and is now father to the boy. The other two are all-in on the uncle job and still working on their lives. All three of them are dealing with real life issues, and now they also have to deal with Mom's new boyfriend.

Both these movies were more tolerable than the others we've watched recently. I honestly enjoyed the first one, and we all had a few laughs with it. The second one wasn't bad, but I didn't like it as much as the first one. The overly perfect pastor-man was a bit much to deal with - for the brothers and me. Neither movie gave us a bingo, but we didn't care. Actual good movies for sure!

 

Hardware Wars - 1978

This was found by my daughter's boyfriend. It sounded epic, so I found it online, and we all sat down to watch it together. And oh my goodness!

If you couldn't tell by the title, this is a Star Wars spoof. It was made for $8,000, and it's freaking amazing. All the references and puns are going to go right over your head if you've never seen Star Wars, but if you're a fan, you may enjoy this. If you take everything seriously, you'll think it's a travesty. BUT! We loved it. 

My only complaint is the length. Twelve minutes was just not long enough for this masterpiece. But also, I understand why it was that long. If there was one thing I learned from the film, it was that Ernie Fosselius is a genius. His name was listed under everything on this project, and I applaud him for this effort. I don't know how I've never heard of this before, because it's one of the best things I've seen in a long time! It's on YouTube, so give it a watch if you have a couple minutes. Good/Fun Film!

 

Santa Tell Me - 2024

Hoping for better bingo luck with our next pick, we decided to try this movie. 

Olivia is excited to do something for a Christmas home show. Her boss springs the news on her that her project is now being taken over by a man who works on a reality TV show. While throwing a hissy fit about the situation, she just hops into a car thinking it's her rideshare.

Of course it's the main dude, Chris. He's decided to take Olivia's show in a different direction. They're going to renovate her childhood home for the show. The house is falling apart, but it still has power somehow. While she's in there wallowing in self-pity, a letter in the vent starts blinking. Santa has given her like 3 weeks to find her soulmate. His name is Nick.

The next day, within like 15 minutes, she meets Nick A, Nick B, and Nick C. I'm not kidding, those are their initials. The main man's last name is Davis, so I dare you to guess where this is going...

Anyway, her initial dates with these men involve her injuring them (one could've died), but they all three decide to go out with her again. While she's thinking over her preferences, her letter starts blinking again, and she learns she'll lose her chance at happiness forever if she doesn't figure it out by Christmas Eve. My daughter interpreted that as Santa was going to "take them out," which added a new aspect of the movie for us. Side note: why didn't Olivia's family take their stuff when they moved? What kind of family leaves all their Christmas ornaments behind when they move? And since Olivia was staying at the house, why hadn't she seen the entire room that was full of her family's stuff?

Other than the woman being the absolute worst, this one was probably one of the most tolerable we've seen so far. We laughed a few times, and we all got a Bingo! On the Hallmark Scale (which is different from my regular movie scale), this one would rank as a Tolerable. The "Love Pentagon" worked out pretty well. Liked the resolution at the end with the Nicks.

'Tis the Season to be Irish - 2024

It's break week for my college kids, so we've got some Hallmark Bingo to get done. We saw the sheep in this picture and decided it couldn't be that bad. Right?

A woman lives in houses while she fixes them up and then sells them. She magically buys a cottage in Ireland based on one picture and two seconds of thought. When she gets there, she learns that not only is the place a dump, she can't modernize it. Weird Irish Batman is trying to keep the "historical" charm of the place.

I call him weird Irish Batman, because every time he spoke, he had a low, gravelly voice. We also couldn't understand him. I think the weird, gravelly thing messed with his accent, because I wouldn't have believed he was Irish. 

Big shoutout to Lambchop. That super clean sheep made the movie somewhat tolerable. I'm not sure why Matthew (shepherd man) thought his "fence" was practical, but maybe he was trying to find the sheep a new home. 

No one got a bingo on this one, and everyone hated it. There weren't enough scenes with Lambchop, and I can't tell you much about the plot. It wasn't worth our time.

A Very Vermont Christmas - 2024

It was Hallmark Bingo time, and I had the unfortunate responsibility of choosing the torture for the evening.

A woman is trying to keep her father's bar alive, but the local Frosty's is making that hard. A rep from the big brand beer comes to town and shows off his beer-smelling abilities. The woman, Joy, decides an IPA will save the bar. Or something. Her ex is flat out evil. They didn't even give him a single redeeming quality.

This one was bad. I'm not sure it was worse than the last one, but the main characters were hard to watch. The woman was okay most of the time, she frowned weird. The guy was something else. He spoke like he was trying out for a Batman role, he smiled at strange times, and he had too many scarves. Also, why did Joy feel the need to show the man who is becoming an expert on beer how it's made? Doesn't he already know that?

The end of this one was majorly stupid. Joy decides the man she's "fallen in love with" is responsible for the betrayal instead of her sneaky weasel of an ex. Putting that aside, I almost expect a conflict like that at this point, the dumbest thing was the skiing. Joy makes this impassioned plea to get to the top of the mountain for the last ride down. She has to meet dude man up there. Why? What's stopping her from waiting for him at the bottom? "I have to get up there...I love him!!" What?! Just wait at the lodge...

Anyway, another week with no bingos. We got a little closer this time, but this was painful.

 

The Christmas Charade - 2024

It's getting to be that time of year again. That time when we gather together and spend some quality time watching Hallmark movies and playing bingo. The unfortunate side effect of this fun activity is all the movies blend together, and we can't remember which ones we've actually watched. The reviews for these are more to log that I've watched them than to make any real commentary on the movies themselves, but I will make comments. I just have to. Side note: One of our squares is 'dead parent.' Everyone who plays with us the first time is shocked by our enthusiasm when we can mark that one off. It's in a lot of them, though. Trust us! 

This is one of the new movies for 2024, and I have to say, I was a little shocked. The plot was so weird. If you hate the FBI or want to think of them as inept morons, this is the movie for you! The main guy is supposed to be FBI, but he's the worst. He's not stealthy, his tactical vest looks like he's about to go fly fishing, and he has a random woman ruin his plans and their only solution is to let the citizen help catch the criminal that's been stealing priceless artifacts. Also, let's just bask in the glory that is the plan. They're going to put a fake (made by an old lady in a few hours from a cell phone picture) in place of the real monstrosity that is a necklace. The FBI acts like they've never considered that before...ever.

This movie was so frustrating. The woman, I can't even remember her name, had the worst parents. At one point, we liked her dad, but then he was dumb. They're in New York at Christmas, and no one feels the need to wear a coat half the time. The 'snow' in the movie really bothered me for some reason as well. We have 'obvious fake snow' as a square, so we got that, but overall no one got a bingo and we hated this one. Sad use of the girl from Signed, Sealed, Delivered, but she was only in it briefly, so there's that. And one more thing: someone who's never tangoed before will NOT dance like that...just saying.

Mysterious Island - 1961

Needed some background noise today, so I put on a monster movie. Saw Herbert Lom and Ray Harryhausen in the credits and was excited. This is based on a Jules Verne book.

Some Union soldiers are prisoners during the Civil War. They escape in a hot air balloon with a Confederate soldier, and a storm takes them away. When they finally come back down to earth, they're on an island, and they're not anywhere near America.

What follows is the inhabitants trying to figure a way off the island. They're joined by a couple of women, and they seem to have a guardian angel. Getting off the island is going to be quite a chore, since there are random huge animals on the island.

Fortunately, the older snooty woman is good with a needle and thread. She's able to take goat skins and turn them into a skimpy outfit for her niece! That raised some questions. The woman was so straight-laced, it's hard to imagine her creating that outfit on purpose. Another thing - why didn't anyone get a sunburn?! And where did they go to the bathroom in the balloon? (I mean, the answer seems obvious, but it's just not practical when you witness the balance, or lack thereof, these men possess)

Some of these people were dumber than a box of rocks. If you've seen multiple unnaturally large animals, maybe don't follow the strange honey waterfall into the large cave. Also, this movie had a distinct lack of Harryhausen. I'm ignoring the birds at the beginning, they were awful, and the few Harryhausen things I did witness were just not enough. I was a fan of the bird, though. He was pretty cute.

There's a crossover here with one of Verne's other works, and I'm not going to spoil it. It had to do with Herbert Lom, and I kept wondering why I hadn't seen him in the movie yet.

I mourned the way Harryhausen and Lom were utilized in this film. I understand this was written at a time when science hadn't advanced to the point it is today, but even if I put that aside, some of the "inventions" were questionable. Maybe they stuck to the book (I have doubts  - I'll reserve them), but I just wasn't a fan. I think I'm going to go watch Clash of the Titans (1981) and The Pink Panther movies (Peter Sellers and my man Herbert Lom). They always cheer me up!

The Victors - 1963

When I'm not sure what to watch, I like to get on Tubi and scroll through the Leaving Soon category. Today, I found this movie and was intrigued by the description.

A group of U.S. soldiers go through the war together. The movie isn't focused on the war itself. It's more individual experiences. Mostly with women in places that have been cleared of the enemy. People react differently to what's happened to them, and this movie highlights the human collateral damage to war.

I was interested in this movie, but it was hard to watch at times. Most specifically, the dog scene. If you're a dog lover, just trust me, it's too sad. The women had a hard time of it, and I saw some extreme examples of it in this movie.

The film is based on a novel by Alexander Baron called The Human Kind. He based the series of stories on his real-life experiences. I was interested in the premise of the film, but I'm not sure the film delivered. I might try and read the book in the future. I did want to mention that I saw a bunch of familiar faces. My favorite one I recognized was George Peppard from Breakfast at Tiffany's. He had such a nice smile. I need to see what else he was in...

Anywho, the movie was okay. I don't think I would recommend it. It was such a roller coaster. I really liked a couple of the stories, especially the one with the sergeant checking out the house. But then I had to sit through the one with the dog, and the poor man who just wanted to find love. He found a couple of users and a stab wound instead. Sadness. The movie is going in the midrange category.

The Giant Claw - 1957

We'd just had the internet restored, and it had been a long day. The perfect recipe for a monster movie!

I didn't know squat about this thing. I just threw it on. Between the name and the year, I was guessing it would be at least slightly entertaining, but I'd been fooled before...

A dude is flying a plane when he sees a UFO. To us, they show a flying fuzz. He refers to it as a flying battleship, and everyone thinks he's nuts since it doesn't even show up on radar.

Eventually, we find out what it is - an alien bird. For some reason, the cover says it's prehistoric, but it's an alien. Trust me. Then for some reason, we get into matter and antimatter? Anyway, amazing effects and loads of death, and we end on probably the best death scene I've seen in quite a while.

The people in this movie really suck, though. They "save" the one pilot, but then he's just magically dead. And how did he get all bloody? And then poor Pierre. Why did they take him out with them? And then the couple were like, "Oh well, let's go over here and kiss." Blech.

Anyway, I love this thing. I don't know who's responsible for the travesty that's the wire-work puppet, but I love them. I love whoever did the effects. I really do. They made my day. Good Movie! (for a certain section of people - those who love old monster movies with questionable effects).