Masters of the Universe - 1987

For movie night, we had someone with more "discerning" tastes watching with us, so we watched something newer. As in 1987! He-Man is considered pretty cool around here, but what I saw early on didn't give me much hope. 

The plot was insane and didn't make much sense. From what I could figure out, Skeletor has gotten his hands on the magic key and needs another one. The weird thing that has the other key is saved by He-Man and his friends (old Man-at-Arms and Teela). Skeletor really wants that one and chases the group to Earth. There, they meet up with new friends Monica from Friends and Kevin.

This movie was silly. Dolph was playing He-Man, but he sounded silly when he talked. I think part of that is the dubbing they ended up doing. The Orko stand-in was silly and also annoying. The movie tried to make Monica the Earth hero, but it was really Kevin. His musical abilities saved the day. Every time Dolph tried to sound intimidating, it was just funny. I appreciate how excited the man playing Skeletor was about his role, but they didn't give him much to work with.

I want to give a special shoutout to Pigboy. The production of this movie had a lot of ups and downs. One of them was the contest for children. Mattel had the contest, but the scenes on Earth were already shot. Poor little Richard Szponder got to have the small part of holding Skeletor's staff when he arrives in Grayskull. My only complaint is that if he was a minion of Skeletor, he needed a better name than Pigboy.

I had fun watching this movie, but I had a good group with me. I was hoping Karg would die. That thing was hard to look at. While we were watching, I felt like the movie was trying to be an Eternia (the place He-Man is from) version of Star Wars. Even the music reminded me of Star Wars. I'm giving it a Good Movie! review, but I wouldn't watch it alone. It's the kind of cheesy movie that is best with friends.

Monster from Green Hell - 1957

We were so excited when we read the summary for this movie. Wasps sent into space turn into monsters?! Count us in!

At the beginning of the movie, a couple of "scientists" are sending various animals into space. The longer they spend there, the more they are affected by the trip. I mean, one of the guinea pigs (?) had its fur turn white!! One of the capsules blows up and isn't thought of again until suspicious deaths start to happen in a remote part of the jungle. Suspecting their wasps are the culprit, the scientists head off to the remote village where they pick up an annoying woman. She demands to go with them since the wasps murdered her father, but she's more hindrance than help.

This movie was terrible and not in a good way. I estimate that 90% of it was walking. They showed the scientists walking to the village. The expedition then walked to the volcano where the old man was abandoned by his younger friend. Then they walked around trying to find the wasps, and finally, they walked around in a cave trying to find their way out after they trapped themselves inside.

And the worst part? The people were unnecessary. And I don't mean a few of them (like the woman) didn't add anything. I mean they didn't kill any of the wasps. The volcano took them out with lava in an overly long wasp-screaming scene complete with repeated frames. The puzzling thing about the end was that when the volcano went off, it shocked the movie into color. I don't know why, but that was so odd. It's not like The Wizard of Oz where the colorization is a clue that you're in another world. It was just colored, screaming wasps, and then it was over.

The excessive walking was so exhausting. The woman was not helpful (as usual), and the plot was super stupid. This one was a pass, and we were all glad when it was over.

*Shoutout to Jim Davis. Not only does he share the name of my grandpa, he's become a familiar face in some of these films.

Octaman - 1971

We saw this movie when we were searching for our movie night selection. It looked pretty bad, so we decided to wait and put it on when the kids could enjoy it as well.

Radiation has caused issues in a fishing village. The scientists have captured a screeching baby octopus and put it in a minnow bucket. Octaman gets upset and retrieves his baby.

I'm not even going to try and describe the plot, because there wasn't one. The monster waved his arms around and slapped a few people. He didn't even kill the annoying people. There were numerous frustrating parts, though. For instance, why did some of them go out in the boat just to stop and turn around for no reason? And why didn't Octaman attack them while they were in the cave? They spent so much time "trapped" only to pop out where they started. Finally, why was Davido wandering off all the time?! He was all gung ho about killing Octaman, but then he stood there at the end waving his knife around while everyone else was shooting it.

This movie was sooooo boring. We got to the point where there were ten minutes left, and we were wondering if something would finally happen. Watching Octaman pop out of the trailer was unexpected (and predictable at the same time), and that was my favorite part.

I'm going to take a moment to clarify something. One of the things that really irritated me during the movie was when they kept calling the babies "squid." I remembered squid have six arms, but guess what? They don't. They actually have eight arms and two tentacles. So where did I get six arms? I don't know, but an internet search brought me to a place where a lot of other people thought the same thing. Who knows where the six-armed squid came from, but the record's been set straight.

Avoid this one. You've been warned.

Fog Island - 1945

We picked this one based on Lionel Atwill. He's the man, and it was an easy choice.

A man invites the people who betrayed and put him in prison to his house. They believe he has a fortune hidden inside, so they all show up and pretend they're all friends. One of the guys is the son of the invited person, and he ends up falling in love (or he might've already been in love) with the ex-con's niece.

The host gathers everyone around and gives them various "clues." One looks like an awl, while another person gets a book of multiplication tables. It's weird. Also, the movie summary claims the man booby-trapped the house, but there's really only the one. Also also, the "secret passage" is the worst kept secret in the world.

This movie felt familiar, especially the part where four people were all in the booby-trapped room and had no situational awareness. I can't be sure, but I'll tell you that the son has miraculous drying powers. He can also pretend like he didn't see a bunch of dead bodies and convince the young lady to leave without saying goodbye to her uncle without any issues.

A lot of this movie didn't make sense, and the subtitles were the best part. The butler's name was Allerton, but the subtitles called him "elephant" and "hello there" at different times. Another subtitle referenced YouTube, but 1945 was a far time from the creation of YouTube.

Anyway, people teleported around, and the secret passage was huge enough for everyone to take a turn checking it out. The movie itself was slow, and it just wasn't enjoyable enough to warrant a Good Movie review. It's another middle-of-the-road old horror movie.