What's this about?

Lately, it seems like many of the movies/shows are just a rehash or reboot of things that have already been done. And so I started to dive into the past. It's been fun, but I find myself losing track of which ones I’ve seen and whether or not I enjoyed them. Sometimes the titles themselves just don't tell me enough to remember.

I wouldn’t have voluntarily watched a lot of these movies when I was younger. It’s strange how interests change. That goes for what I read, too. I have another blog that explores books. I’m mostly reading older fiction and memoirs, and some of the books have led me to movies/shows and vice versa. In those cases, I may post the book review over here as well.

There will be spoilers, which is different than my book reviews. That’s mostly because I want to have enough information to help me remember what I’ve seen. I’m getting older. The brain doesn’t cooperate like it used to. What can I say? The gray hairs are catching up with me!

Monday, December 8, 2025

Christmas on the Range - 2019

Movie night in December doesn't seem like a good time for horror films, so I tried hunting down a Hallmark-esque movie for Bingo. I thought I'd found one that looked like it had a Chuck Norris looking guy in it, but when I started this up, he wasn't anywhere to be found. Lo and behold, this is the wrong movie. The one I was looking for was Christmas on the RanCH. Dang, these movies are out of control...

Riley (that's her last name, but I'm not invested enough to look up her first name) is very close to getting her ranch certified organic. The problem is, her neighbor has a vendetta against her. He runs the Moo Cow Mafia, and he sends his goons over to mess with her. 

The Boss tells his ex-wife and son that he has cancer, so they pop up. The son, we'll call him Bob, falls in love with Riley, much to the dismay of his father. Tensions rise, and Boss eventually sends his goons over to destroy the ranch. They run into Bob and beat the crap out of him. Boss feels bad and rallies the entire town and surrounding areas to corral the scattered cows in two hours so they'll be back in time for the buyer.

This movie had some surprises. Lindsay Wagner was in it. She's the Bionic Woman! Unfortunately, there wasn't a Bionic Dog anywhere to be seen, but we were making some jokes through the movie. I was also making jokes about the Moo Cow Mafia, because I found it a bit ridiculous the way Boss was acting about the neighbor who had a few cows and was peeved about a 30 year old rejection.

The side characters were weird and annoying. Normally, they are refreshing and give us a break from the stupid main characters. Not the case this time. The best character was Lindsay Wagner, and I'm partial to her because we're Bionic Man/Woman TV show people. The cows were cute, too. Also, when some of them escaped earlier in the film, Riley said, "Oh, no. They're everywhere!" They were all standing in one spot. And a bunch of cowhands popped out of nowhere to help. It was weird. There were no bingos and no snow!

Middle of the road. There's some real issues that keep this from being a good Christmas movie. One of them is fake snow. That's a real necessity. The other thing is the weird criminal organization man. I really wanted to see what he said to his main goon man after they beat the crap out of his son, but the movie just left that alone. Meh.

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