Christmas on the Ranch - 2024

This was the movie we were supposed to watch a couple weeks ago. Instead we ended up with Christmas on the RanGE. When I was hunting for a Bingo movie, this one stood out because I thought there was a cowboy that sort of looked like Chuck Norris. In my defense, it was a tiny picture on my phone. Because when we started the movie, that man looked nothing like Chuck Norris.

Christina is on her way from Chicago to New York when she almost hits a horse standing in the middle of the road. She should've been able to see it had she been paying even the slightest bit of attention, but instead she lives up to the stereotype of women drivers and freaks out and crashes her car. Now she's trapped in Cedar Grove, Ohio, and staying at the Corey's ranch. He has a daughter who rides around with a selfie stick for her YouTube channel, and the ranch is in trouble. Christina decides to use her radio show to help out, and then she's gonna jet to New York.

So, there were some confusing things about this movie. First, why was Christina stuck? It wasn't some backwoods town. Just get picked up and leave. Next, what did the ranch do to make money in the first place? I know they were doing some therapy here and there. Maybe some boarding? It wasn't very clear. I think the biggest question I had revolved around Christina. When Corey asks her to stay, she's like "nah." But five minutes before that, she was regretting not kissing him. Pick a lane, woman!

Overall, one of us got multiple bingos while no one else got any. We were getting a bit desperate after a while. I don't know who was decorating that ranch, but my guess is Javier (he had zero lines, and popped up twice in the movie - he was my favorite character). I feel like it would take months to decorate and then months to take it all down again, Christina's magic skill with the horse was also irritating. I mean one ride to the lake, and now she can trot alone? Pfft. Also, if Spirit is 25, let him retire and graze in a field. Don't make him cart around some strange woman! They just randomly appeared with him saddled one time. Good grief! This movie is mid-tier.

The Phantom - 1996

We had some time and noticed this was available to watch for free. It looked like something we would enjoy, so we put it on.

The Phantom is "the ghost who walks." He's been around for 400 years, so he has a reputation of being immortal. In reality, it's a legacy passed from father to son. When Smiling Kit comes into possession of the title, he leaves behind Diana. She went to college with Kit, doesn't know how to park a car, and she's "edgy." In the present, Kit is trying to stop an evil man from collecting skulls that will create a deadly weapon that could threaten humanity. Or a thin disintegrating ray. That works too.

This movie was so weird. I don't know why Phantom was smiling all the time. It was so weird. My daughter was commenting on the strange shade of purple they chose for his costume. It was an odd hue for sure. Also, a lot of bad decisions were made for no apparent reason. Our favorite character had to be the taxi driver. He was very dedicated to Kit (Phantom's normal name), and when a purple-clad man hops into the back of his cab claiming to be a friend of Kit's, Taximan is immediately on board. The other strange thing was mumbling. I've watched the 1943 serial and really loved it, so I knew the dog's name was Devil. But with the mumbling, it sounded like they were saying "Devin," so we called the wolf Devin for the entire movie.

I was surprised to see Kristy Swanson (Diana). She also plays a character on one of the greatest shows of all time: Psych. She fit in much better on that show for sure. The actor playing Kit had actually signed up for two sequels before this movie performed poorly. I think Kristy knew what she was doing what she was doing when she flew away from the island at the end.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - 1941

We were noshing around for a bit and decided to put on a "real" horror movie. This one seemed to fit the bill. I have read the Robert Louis Stevenson story, but I can't remember the details to say how accurate the movie is. 

Spencer Tracy is the main man in this one. He has a blond bombshell fiancé, but he also lusts after Ingrid Bergman. I found it interesting Bergman was supposed to play the role of the innocent fiancé, but she asked to play the grittier role. She felt she was being typecast as one type of character and wanted to break the mold. That worked out pretty well for her.

Okay, so there's some interesting things going on here. Ingrid Bergman's character seemed a bit stupid. She didn't see the resemblance between the two faces of Jekyll, and that was confusing. Also, when she was "trapped," I couldn't figure out why she didn't just leave. The door wasn't locked. She had friends who probably would've helped her. She definitely didn't have an excuse after she got the money. Why was she staying in the apartment where she was abused?!

Overall, I think I was most confused by the tone of this one. Hyde was almost playing pranks on people at first, then later on he's murdering people left and right. He was pretty brutal with that cane, though. I think this one was too long, and I didn't like the stupidity of the women. Major kudos to the friend who didn't hesitate with the gun, though.

Christmas on the Range - 2019

Movie night in December doesn't seem like a good time for horror films, so I tried hunting down a Hallmark-esque movie for Bingo. I thought I'd found one that looked like it had a Chuck Norris looking guy in it, but when I started this up, he wasn't anywhere to be found. Lo and behold, this is the wrong movie. The one I was looking for was Christmas on the RanCH. Dang, these movies are out of control...

Riley (that's her last name, but I'm not invested enough to look up her first name) is very close to getting her ranch certified organic. The problem is, her neighbor has a vendetta against her. He runs the Moo Cow Mafia, and he sends his goons over to mess with her. 

The Boss tells his ex-wife and son that he has cancer, so they pop up. The son, we'll call him Bob, falls in love with Riley, much to the dismay of his father. Tensions rise, and Boss eventually sends his goons over to destroy the ranch. They run into Bob and beat the crap out of him. Boss feels bad and rallies the entire town and surrounding areas to corral the scattered cows in two hours so they'll be back in time for the buyer.

This movie had some surprises. Lindsay Wagner was in it. She's the Bionic Woman! Unfortunately, there wasn't a Bionic Dog anywhere to be seen, but we were making some jokes through the movie. I was also making jokes about the Moo Cow Mafia, because I found it a bit ridiculous the way Boss was acting about the neighbor who had a few cows and was peeved about a 30 year old rejection.

The side characters were weird and annoying. Normally, they are refreshing and give us a break from the stupid main characters. Not the case this time. The best character was Lindsay Wagner, and I'm partial to her because we're Bionic Man/Woman TV show people. The cows were cute, too. Also, when some of them escaped earlier in the film, Riley said, "Oh, no. They're everywhere!" They were all standing in one spot. And a bunch of cowhands popped out of nowhere to help. It was weird. There were no bingos and no snow!

Middle of the road. There's some real issues that keep this from being a good Christmas movie. One of them is fake snow. That's a real necessity. The other thing is the weird criminal organization man. I really wanted to see what he said to his main goon man after they beat the crap out of his son, but the movie just left that alone. Meh.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps

Movie night was a bit different this week. It was my younger daughter's last night with us before heading back to college, and my husband was watching with us, so we ended up watching a more recent/mainstream movie. It's been a while since I've watched a Marvel movie, but I usually enjoy them.

This movie is an alternate Earth where the Fantastic Four has to deal with Galactus. Sue Storm is pregnant, and a lot of the movie deals with Reed freaking out about whether or not the baby will be normal. Well, when the Silver Surfer appears, they decide to go into space and confront Galactus.

I had too many questions. At least that's what I was told. The clothing was more retro, which is fine, so we're talking about different historic happenings, right? But it's still called the United States. Putting that aside, the Statue of Liberty was in New York. Would that still be there? I honestly don't know how the multiverse stuff works.

I think the biggest issue I had was with Galactus himself. He was in a ship, which was something I didn't understand, but then he was destroying entire worlds. But then he gets to New York and is only as tall as a skyscraper. It was a bit underwhelming. I felt like they nerfed him. But on the plus side, I did get to see a baby act as an AED device!

The movie was ok, but I think I prefer the older one. I definitely prefer the 2007 surfer, Doug Jones. He had more presence in my opinion. In this movie, I liked the story between Torch and the Surfer, but that didn't end up going anywhere. It was entertaining enough, but The Fantastic Four has never been one of my favorite teams in Marvel. If I want to experience this group, I'm all in on the 1994 Fantastic Four movie.