The Incredible Melting Man - 1977

This is one of those random movies I threw on the list to watch. It seemed like it would be a fun horror movie.

Astronauts head out to Saturn where seeing the sun through the rings has deadly consequences. Two out of the three men die, and the third is...melting. He escapes from his hospital bed and starts murdering people.

I started out liking this one. The guy was gooey, and the doctor trying to track him down had zero personality. I was especially fond of his tactic of tracking the melting man with a Geiger counter and nothing else. What did he plan on doing when he found him? I also really wanted to know how they got back from Saturn, but they just glossed over that minor detail.

But then, it started to really drag. It was right around the time the comic relief old people stopped at the orchard. I kept checking to see how much time was left. The melting man was gory, as expected. And I was okay with the blood, but the pus was straight up gross and not for me. The end was also pretty disappointing. The only people I really cared about were the sheriff and the general, and the movie wasn't kind to either of them.

I wouldn't watch this movie again. My favorite part was definitely when the doctor was chasing around the melting man with his Geiger counter, calling out for his friend in his monotone voice. "steve. where are you steve? i'm here to help you, steve." I think he almost showed emotion once, but it was a false alarm. Once he made it to the top of the stairs, he was back to his paper personality. Even when his life was on the line, nothing shook him from his constant state of indifference. "help me, steve. i'm going to fall, steve. help me." I was glad when it was over.

Attack of the Crab Monsters - 1957

I was scrolling though Tubi and saw some really epic looking nonsense. I added some of them to my list to check out. This was one of them, and it's only an hour!

A group of people head over to an island to check out why their friends never reported back. They were on a scientific expedition to check out the island after a nuclear bomb was tested not far away. The fallout blew to this particular island, so these scientists wanted to see what effects the radiation had on the flora and fauna. They don't realize they're in for some strange noises and earthquakes.

The cause is telepathic giant crabs. I'm not saying anything else. This movie was ridiculous, confusing, and I loved it. None of it made sense, and I think everyone was dead at the end (or would be soon enough). The action starts right at the beginning and doesn't let up! I should've had an inkling of what I was in for when I saw the intro had a rooster. I don't remember seeing that with any movie company before.

As I watched, parts of this movie felt familiar. I might have watched a YouTube video about it, because I don't feel like I would've watched it alone (even though I did today), and my daughter didn't remember seeing it. This is definitely an instant classic for me. The scientists were also not that smart, and some of the things they said were not all that academic. "Once they were men. Now they are land crabs," was my favorite quote. Also, shoutout to Hoolar, the giant crab that I didn't know had a name. Good Movie! Make sure to watch it with a friend for more fun!

Phantom Ship (The Mystery of the Mary Celeste) - 1935

Well, the list I'd been using for our weekly movies has disappeared, so I was forced to look elsewhere for our horror film. I found a different list and picked this one. It went back to the 30's, but it starred our man, Bela Lugosi.

This movie is giving a potential explanation for the fate of the Mary Celeste. In case you're wondering, that ship was found floating in the Atlantic Ocean in 1872 with no crew aboard. No explanation was ever found for the fate of the crew.

In this tale, Bela is a bitter man who was shanghaied in the past and ends up on the same ship. He watches as one by one, men are going missing and others are getting murdered. Until there are only a few left, and the murderer is revealed.

SPOILERS! There are a number of issues with this movie. Bela is taking revenge on the men who shanghaied him, but some of the other men have been shanghaied as well. Why does he want to kill them? Why did that one guy try to kill the captain? Why didn't they try to kill the accordion man sooner? His music and singing was irritating. The end was just weird. Bela kills the last guy, then looks for the guy he just killed (I mean, he did just get hit on the head, but still), then he just jumps over the side?

This movie was just strange. The ship was pretty awesome if you are prone to seasickness. That thing didn't move no matter how bad a storm they were in. Not a wave to be felt below deck! Most of the deaths happened off screen, so they was less impactful. And I don't know who did Bela's hair for this movie, but they didn't do him any favors. Overall, this movie was entertaining enough, but I wouldn't really recommend it without friends to enjoy the absurdity with you. Too much happens off screen.

Professor T - 2021

I love Ben Miller. My first exposure to him was Death in Paradise, and I love rewatching it. I also loved his character in Doc Martin. When I learned he had a PBS series, I had to watch it.

Jasper Tempest is a criminology professor at Cambridge. When a crime is committed on campus, one of his former students gets him to help solve the crime (eventually). Jasper has OCD and few social skills. From that point on, he becomes more involved with the team, and they come to rely on him more. Well, some of them are more accepting than others.

In some ways, this reminds me a bit of the show Monk, starring Tony Shalhoub. Professor T isn't quite the same for a number of reasons. The main one is the tone. There are moments of levity in this, but for the most part, it's pure drama. You're not laughing about much in this. And while Jasper has OCD, it's not so prominent that it's almost a character like it is in Monk. And while Monk was timid and slow to act, Jasper will put himself into the middle of situations (to the dismay of others!).

I really liked this show. The little daydreams Jasper had were a bit weird at first, but I got used to them. As usual, Ben Miller makes the show for me. I was happy to see Juliet Aubrey. She's also one of my favorites to see pop up here and there in shows and movies. The cases are all one episode, so I didn't have to watch the whole season to solve a mystery. For some reason, that's what I was hoping for. I do just want to say, I felt bad for Dan, and he was treated pretty poorly by Donckers. 

There's more seasons of this, and I'm going to be tracking them down. Good Show!

Spooks Run Wild - 1941

This week, we had no idea what we were in for, but we were excited to see that Bela Lugosi was the star. There was also a group of youths that Mom recognized. She called them the Bowery Boys, but I guess they were also called East Side Kids or Dead End Kids. 

Captain Midnight is taking a group of misfit kids to camp to try and get them to shape up. Bela and his "little" friend are headed up to the abandoned castle to hang out when the guy at the filling station labels them as the notorious "monster" who has been terrorizing the countryside. When the boys sneak out for some nighttime excitement, they decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery and one of them gets a shock (because we never saw an injury on him) from a shotgun blast. They end up at the spooky castle with Bela.

This movie was pretty fun. The slapstick humor involving Bela made up for any annoyance from the stupidity from the boys. I will say that Captain Midnight wasn't very chivalrous, though. He wasn't on board to search for the kids under his care or follow his woman around.

One of the actors in this looked really familiar, but I never figured out why. This was Donald Haines's last screen appearance. He was more of a child actor, but he played the role of Skinny in this film. Shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he enlisted in the U. S. Army Air Forces and didn't return from a strafing mission over Rommel's forces during the Battle of Kasserine Pass in Tunisia. RIP young man.

This movie was silly enough to be entertaining. If you're looking for a serious movie, give this one a pass. I liked it, though, and think it deserves the Good Movie! stamp of approval!

They Won't Believe Me - 1947

Random pick. It just looked like one of those noir movies that I ended up watching a lot of when I was bored a while back.

Larry has impulse control issues and makes bad decisions. A lot of bad decisions. He also has not one, but three women who want to be with him. Two of them end up dead, and he's on trial for murder. It's probably the only crime he hasn't committed, but he's going to tell us the whole sordid tale.

Okay, I thought everyone in this movie was terrible. I'm blaming both Larry and Greta for the death of the horse. They suck. Janice sucks, because she's stupid and never learned anything. Twice. Verna is a terrible person, but she's one of the dead women, so it doesn't really matter. 

But the last minute saved it for me. The movie had lost me at that point. I was doing other stuff, and it had been downgraded to background noise, but one moment changed it all. The verdict was in. I was laughing so hard. Was I supposed to be laughing? Of course not. But what happened was so unexpected and so beautiful that I was almost crying. My dog came into the room to see if I was okay. 

I'm not calling this a good movie, but if you can slog your way through the excuses and bad decisions Larry makes for an hour and a half, I think the last minute makes up for it! If not, I was probably just delirious or having one of the moments where you find something really funny and everyone else thinks you're insane...

The Crimson Pirate - 1952

Do you ever just sift through the Leaving Soon category on Tubi and randomly pick a movie? Halfway through, you wonder why you picked it (not in a bad way, you're just wondering what made you pick it)? And then, once the credits roll, you wonder, "What did I just watch?"

Let me introduce you to The Crimson Pirate. I chose this one, for some reason, and settled in for almost two hours of comedy/drama. It's one of those confusing plots that flips mood at interesting moments. Our main character is played by Burt Lancaster. I've seen him in tons of stuff, but I remember him from Run Silent, Run Deep and The Train. For some reason, I didn't review The Train. 

Anyway, he's got his crew of misfit pirates who pretend they're dead from scurvy so they can take over one of the king's ships. They make a deal to capture El Libre and make some gold off the sale of weapons. Then, a woman becomes involved, and now it's about...love!

This movie was a bit crazy. Burt Lancaster was swinging on ropes and jumping on canopies and doing all sorts of acrobatics. His friend was doing the same and also performing magic tricks, but apparently he was mute. After a bit of digging, Burt was a circus performer, and his real life partner, Nick Cravat, is his co-star. They played really well off each other for the comic portions. Also, Nick wasn't mute in real life.

When it came to the serious bits of the plot, I just don't know what to say. It didn't come up much. The traitor had the strangest hair, and it bothered me. He used a braid as a place to hang his earring, and it was just weird. Mr. Pirate forgave his crew pretty easily for trying to murder him, and the middle dragged a bit. I have to say, my favorite part was the fight at the end. It was ridiculous and went on forever. It even had a hot air balloon and explosions!

Overall, I kinda liked this movie. I found it amusing how no one cared when people died. They just fell off the screen and POOF! We don't care about them anymore, and we don't talk about them. I liked learning about Burt and Nick's acrobatics and watching them bounce around. Burt had some real weird outfits, and I'm not sure where the woman got her dresses from. She was on the run and escaped with the clothes on her back, but somehow there were magic dresses for her on the king's ship? Ok...I'm just not going to think about it. I'm giving it a Good Movie! review because it's ridiculous, and I had fun with it.

Demon Prince Enma (anime) - 2006

A random pick on Tubi led me to this anime. It's only four episodes.

Enma is part of a small team of interesting characters who are tasked with finding demons and sending them back where they belong. I'm not going to go much further into the plot. With only four episodes, you can check it out if it interests you.

A couple warnings, though. The nudity and violence is a bit over the norm in this. If you're a prude, it could be a problem. If you're prone to frighten easily, I wouldn't recommend watching this at night. Some of the topics touched on could also be a bit of an issue if you're sensitive to incest, suicide or rape.

Putting aside the warnings, I did like this show. The animation of the backgrounds was strange at times, and I can't quite explain how. I liked the soundtrack, and the character models were pretty cool. I saw the manga version of Enma (the manga seems super hard to locate, and I couldn't verify if English copies exist), and I have to say, the anime version fit the story really well.

This anime will not work for everyone, but I enjoyed the little twists and turns in there. Having a talking hat called "Geezer" will instantly get me on board every time. There was more to it, of course, but I felt like this was really good for a blind pick. Good Anime!

Side note - I want to give a shoutout to the anime for using Träumerei. It's a piece of music that's gotten stuck in my head a lot during my life, and it was only a few years ago that I was able to track down the name of it. It's a peaceful bit of piano music, and I really love it. It's not used that way here at all, but I always smile when I hear it somewhere beyond my head! 

The Smiling Ghost - 1941

Well, the house is empty, and it's back to the list of "horror" movies. We'd skipped a few while my daughter was home to make sure she got to watch a "quality" horror movie. Unfortunately, she was still stuck with a weird version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 

Next up in the list was a movie called Old Mother Riley's Ghosts. The quality in it was horrific, the woman was almost more irritating than Kay Kiser in You'll Find Out (it might have been a tie), and that was after only 15 minutes. We also couldn't understand what people were saying. Mother Riley was one of those people who wasn't necessary to a scene. For instance, a group of men were gathered in a room for a meeting, but the table was messy. Old Mother comes in, Three Stooges her way around a bit, gets kicked out, and then the men go on with their meeting. Her presence was 100% unnecessary. Anyway, we were both bothered by her and turned that movie off, skipping forward in the list to The Smiling Ghost.

This movie started off strong. The credits begin with a creepy, ghosty grin over top of the title. Elinor has had four fiancés meet with tragic, if not fatal, incidents on the eve of marriage. Elinor's grandmother has now hired Lucky, a man in debt up to his eyeballs, to pretend to be engaged to Elinor for a month to try and flush out the "ghost" responsible for the incidents. A series of nefarious accidents and dangerous attempts are then made on Lucky's life. He's determined to help Elinor, but there's also Lil, a local reporter, who's got her eye on a story - and Lucky himself!

I was really excited when I realized that some of this movie was actually somewhat horror-ish. It still had some of that stupid comedy in there. And it had Clarence, the African American actor they put in too many uncomfortable situations (they had him hide in the coal bin, etc.). But overall, there was a real mystery in there. Put aside the stupid romance that made no sense. I mean, there's no way not one, but two women would fall in love with that doofus within 24 hours. I would hope not anyway. I also had a real issue with the ghost knowing about the secret passageway when no one in the family seemed to be aware of it. Two separate times everyone was gathered in that room, and they didn't know there was another way out.

My overall judgement is middle of the road. Honestly, this is a basic Scooby Doo episode with some bad romance shoehorned into it. It also didn't have enough dog (but there was one briefly!). Favorite character was Norton, the butler, who knew nothing about his job but had weapons all the time and pointed them at whoever he felt like. And an honorable mention to Mr. Dinwiddie, because I liked his name.