A Very Vermont Christmas - 2024

It was Hallmark Bingo time, and I had the unfortunate responsibility of choosing the torture for the evening.

A woman is trying to keep her father's bar alive, but the local Frosty's is making that hard. A rep from the big brand beer comes to town and shows off his beer-smelling abilities. The woman, Joy, decides an IPA will save the bar. Or something. Her ex is flat out evil. They didn't even give him a single redeeming quality.

This one was bad. I'm not sure it was worse than the last one, but the main characters were hard to watch. The woman was okay most of the time, she frowned weird. The guy was something else. He spoke like he was trying out for a Batman role, he smiled at strange times, and he had too many scarves. Also, why did Joy feel the need to show the man who is becoming an expert on beer how it's made? Doesn't he already know that?

The end of this one was majorly stupid. Joy decides the man she's "fallen in love with" is responsible for the betrayal instead of her sneaky weasel of an ex. Putting that aside, I almost expect a conflict like that at this point, the dumbest thing was the skiing. Joy makes this impassioned plea to get to the top of the mountain for the last ride down. She has to meet dude man up there. Why? What's stopping her from waiting for him at the bottom? "I have to get up there...I love him!!" What?! Just wait at the lodge...

Anyway, another week with no bingos. We got a little closer this time, but this was painful.

 

The Christmas Charade - 2024

It's getting to be that time of year again. That time when we gather together and spend some quality time watching Hallmark movies and playing bingo. The unfortunate side effect of this fun activity is all the movies blend together, and we can't remember which ones we've actually watched. The reviews for these are more to log that I've watched them than to make any real commentary on the movies themselves, but I will make comments. I just have to. Side note: One of our squares is 'dead parent.' Everyone who plays with us the first time is shocked by our enthusiasm when we can mark that one off. It's in a lot of them, though. Trust us! 

This is one of the new movies for 2024, and I have to say, I was a little shocked. The plot was so weird. If you hate the FBI or want to think of them as inept morons, this is the movie for you! The main guy is supposed to be FBI, but he's the worst. He's not stealthy, his tactical vest looks like he's about to go fly fishing, and he has a random woman ruin his plans and their only solution is to let the citizen help catch the criminal that's been stealing priceless artifacts. Also, let's just bask in the glory that is the plan. They're going to put a fake (made by an old lady in a few hours from a cell phone picture) in place of the real monstrosity that is a necklace. The FBI acts like they've never considered that before...ever.

This movie was so frustrating. The woman, I can't even remember her name, had the worst parents. At one point, we liked her dad, but then he was dumb. They're in New York at Christmas, and no one feels the need to wear a coat half the time. The 'snow' in the movie really bothered me for some reason as well. We have 'obvious fake snow' as a square, so we got that, but overall no one got a bingo and we hated this one. Sad use of the girl from Signed, Sealed, Delivered, but she was only in it briefly, so there's that. And one more thing: someone who's never tangoed before will NOT dance like that...just saying.

Mysterious Island - 1961

Needed some background noise today, so I put on a monster movie. Saw Herbert Lom and Ray Harryhausen in the credits and was excited. This is based on a Jules Verne book.

Some Union soldiers are prisoners during the Civil War. They escape in a hot air balloon with a Confederate soldier, and a storm takes them away. When they finally come back down to earth, they're on an island, and they're not anywhere near America.

What follows is the inhabitants trying to figure a way off the island. They're joined by a couple of women, and they seem to have a guardian angel. Getting off the island is going to be quite a chore, since there are random huge animals on the island.

Fortunately, the older snooty woman is good with a needle and thread. She's able to take goat skins and turn them into a skimpy outfit for her niece! That raised some questions. The woman was so straight-laced, it's hard to imagine her creating that outfit on purpose. Another thing - why didn't anyone get a sunburn?! And where did they go to the bathroom in the balloon? (I mean, the answer seems obvious, but it's just not practical when you witness the balance, or lack thereof, these men possess)

Some of these people were dumber than a box of rocks. If you've seen multiple unnaturally large animals, maybe don't follow the strange honey waterfall into the large cave. Also, this movie had a distinct lack of Harryhausen. I'm ignoring the birds at the beginning, they were awful, and the few Harryhausen things I did witness were just not enough. I was a fan of the bird, though. He was pretty cute.

There's a crossover here with one of Verne's other works, and I'm not going to spoil it. It had to do with Herbert Lom, and I kept wondering why I hadn't seen him in the movie yet.

I mourned the way Harryhausen and Lom were utilized in this film. I understand this was written at a time when science hadn't advanced to the point it is today, but even if I put that aside, some of the "inventions" were questionable. Maybe they stuck to the book (I have doubts  - I'll reserve them), but I just wasn't a fan. I think I'm going to go watch Clash of the Titans (1981) and The Pink Panther movies (Peter Sellers and my man Herbert Lom). They always cheer me up!

The Victors - 1963

When I'm not sure what to watch, I like to get on Tubi and scroll through the Leaving Soon category. Today, I found this movie and was intrigued by the description.

A group of U.S. soldiers go through the war together. The movie isn't focused on the war itself. It's more individual experiences. Mostly with women in places that have been cleared of the enemy. People react differently to what's happened to them, and this movie highlights the human collateral damage to war.

I was interested in this movie, but it was hard to watch at times. Most specifically, the dog scene. If you're a dog lover, just trust me, it's too sad. The women had a hard time of it, and I saw some extreme examples of it in this movie.

The film is based on a novel by Alexander Baron called The Human Kind. He based the series of stories on his real-life experiences. I was interested in the premise of the film, but I'm not sure the film delivered. I might try and read the book in the future. I did want to mention that I saw a bunch of familiar faces. My favorite one I recognized was George Peppard from Breakfast at Tiffany's. He had such a nice smile. I need to see what else he was in...

Anywho, the movie was okay. I don't think I would recommend it. It was such a roller coaster. I really liked a couple of the stories, especially the one with the sergeant checking out the house. But then I had to sit through the one with the dog, and the poor man who just wanted to find love. He found a couple of users and a stab wound instead. Sadness. The movie is going in the midrange category.